UNDERSTANDABLY BY BILL MURPHY JR.

Aug 13

Guy walks into a bar

You want dad jokes? We've got dad jokes.

Here's what DALL-E came up with when I asked to create an image of 4 or 5 dogs, sitting around telling jokes and laughing.

Me:

Cool, lots of people signed up on the new system. Now, I'll just read through these great emails and pick out the best jokes so I can reply later today with a bonus email like I promised.

Also me:

Wait, there are something like 2,500 replies. At 3 seconds per email it would take nearly 3 hours to read them all -- assuming I can read them nonstop without a break.

Also also me:

OK, I'll just combine all 2,500 replies into a single text document. Global delete everything but the jokes themselves. Now I can fly through them!

Also also also me:

Wait, this also means that I don't have the names attached to the jokes. Lack of attribution, ugh. And the deadline is approaching. It has to go out in the next 30 minutes. Welcome to the glamorous world of email newsletter production.

Ah well. Has there ever been a move that's gone completely smoothly? I doubt this one will either. But thanks for being among my closest personal friends, and for having taken the time to re-sign-up.

This is our very first "test" newsletter from the new system. I appreciate you opening it and telling the powers that be in the algorithmic email service provider world that despite our new sending address, we really are a legitimate thing.

With that, let's get to my five favorite jokes that you all shared. Maybe I'll find a way to pay you tribute later.

And, did I actually say they should be limited to "dad jokes?" If not; gosh, a lot of us have similar senses of humor. Also, who would have imagined that multiple people would have sent versions of the same jokes?

Let's get to the jokes

Joke #5:

"There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can’t."

Joke #4:

A guy walks into a bar.

Guy: "Can I get the Wi-Fi Wi-Fi password?"

Bartender: "You need to buy a drink first."

Guy: "OK, I'll have your cheapest beer."

Bartender: "That'll be $10."

Guy: "Wow. OK, here you go. Can I get the Wi-Fi password now?"

Bartender: "youneedtobuyadrinkfirst. No spaces, all lowercase."

Joke #3:

Guy 1: "I think my neighbor is stalking me."

Guy 2: "Why do you think that?"

Guy 1: "I caught him Googling my name. At least it looked like that's what he was doing. The focus on my telescope is a little shaky."

Joke #2:

"Did you hear about the two thieves who got caught stealing a calendar? They each got six months!"

Joke #1:

A dog goes into a post office and says he wants to send a telegram.

The clerk doesn't even blink. "OK, what do you want to say?"

Dog: "Woof Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof."

Clerk: "That's just 10 words. You get 12. Should I just add another 'Woof Woof' at the end?"

The dog looks at the clerk like he has two heads, and says: "That wouldn't make any sense at all!"

Thanks for reading, and helping me test the system. See you tomorrow bright and early! And if you have a better joke than these, let me know!

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P.O. Box 43132, Montclair, NJ 07043
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Bill Murphy Jr.

A dog walks into a post office …

UNDERSTANDABLY BY BILL MURPHY JR.

Guy walks into a bar

Let's get to the jokes

One tremendous shout of joy and gladness

I would melt down all the medals

It belongs to the world